A Cup Of Coffee A Tenchi Muyo!, El-Hazard, Sailor Moon crossover (yes, it can be done) ********************************************************************* SCENE: A booth at a coffee house. Sitting there are Tenchi (TM!), Makoto (El Hazard) and Mamoru (SMR). All are looking at menus and just enjoying their time off. MAKOTO: God, it feels good to be back! I've wanted a decent cup of coffee for months! MAMORU: So how was Roshtaria? MAKOTO: Bad guys galore. Raging lesbians. Tons of beautiful women trying to sleep with me. Weird bug things that wanted my blood. Lots of royalty that was off its rocker. TENCHI: Been there. MAMORU: Done that. (They sip their coffee) MAKOTO: So, anything happened while I was gone? MAMORU: Naw, I ended up with Usagi for the gazilliontih time, the city was destroyed several times... TENCHI: ...several space pirates, Aeka was kidnapped seven times, Sasami hasn't slept well for the past six weeks and yesterday grandpa beat the crap out of me in practice. MAKOTO: I hear ya. Mr. Fujisawa can be a real bear to practice with when he's sober. MAMORU: He's sober? MAKOTO: The times are few and far between. TENCHI: Probally the same number of times Ryoko isn't trying to get me in the sack. MAMORU: I never understood that. You've got all these beautiful women wanting to sleep with you, yet you remain chaste. How the hell do you pull it off? MAKOTO: How did you keep it in your pants when Rei threw herself at you? MAMORU: Simple. I thought about what would happen if she got knocked up. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with a pissy Shinto priest when both of you are immortal? MAKOTO & TENCHI: There. You. Go. MAMORU: Okay. Pop quiz: if you were sutck on a desert isle with a senshi... ALL: Venus. MAMORU: Everyone always answers that the same way.... MAKOTO: Say, isn't she...you know... MAMORU: Let's just not go there. I can't tell who's straight and whose not anymore. If I didn't have Usagi, I'd be up the creek. MAKOTO: Amen. TENCHI: Am I the only guy surrounded by beautiful alien women that aren't lesbians? MAKOTO & MAMORU: Shaddup. TENCHI: Hey, at least you got one of them to actually fall for you, Makoto. MAKOTO: Yeah, when I'm dressed in drag and wrapped in a cat. MAMORU: Why are all cute animals with magical powers in some way cat-like? (A dead silence) TECNHI: I.... don't know. MAKOTO: That's a really good point, Mamoru. MAMORU: That's one of those things that's kept me up at night. Why no dogs, chimps, fish or any other type of animal? Its always cats! TENCHI: Or cabbits. MAMORU: Scary, ain't it? Its one of those things you should ask Washu about. Even Luna and Artemis were kinda stumped by that one. TENCHI: Amazingly enough, why is it that all magical cats can talk? MAMORU: Its just one of their amazing powers! MAKOTO: Hey, if I remember correctly, all your cats do IS talk! I on the other hand have my own personal body armor. TENCHI: Got that topped. MAMORU: How. TENCHI: Ryo-ohki? She's a space ship. Plus she looks damn good in humanoid form. MAKOTO & MAMORU: Hmmm.... TENCHI: You two start getting hentai on me and I'll whomp on both of you. MAKOTO: Okay, okay, gomen. (They each sip their coffee) MAMORU: So Tenchi, how'd you manage to ditch your little fan club? TENCHI: (Grinning) I told them we were going to the beach tomorrow and to each pick up a new bathing suit while we were in town. MAKOTO: You didn't... MAMORU: Oh shimatta. TENCHI: What? What's wrong with that? MAKOTO: Nothing, except that...um... MAMORU: Guess where I sent Usagi and the gang. MAKOTO: While you're at it, take a guess where Ifurita and the gals are. TENCHI: Hmm. I see. Well, it WAS a nice shopping mall. MAMORU: Hey Makoto, I know Shayla-Shayla has the hots for you, and Miz is hooked up with Fujisawa, so why didn't you ever make a move on Afura-Mann? MAKOTO: Same reason you don't make a move on Neptune or Uranus. TENCHI: You mean... MAMORU: ...her too? MAKOTO: Yep. Just don't say anything. No one's susposed to know. TENCHI: Secret's safe here. MAMORU: Ditto. (They each sip their coffee) MAMORU: Do you guys ever get tired of it all? MAKOTO: What do you mean? MAMORU: You know. The beautiful women. The constaint bickering. Aliens and baddies popping out of the woodwork trying to kill you for Kami only knows what, having to get up at all hours of the night to fight off Youmma... do you guys ever get tired of it all? (They think about it) ALL: Naw. MAKOTO: Hey, at least you two have super powers that are cool and costumes to go with them. Look what I'm stuck with! TENCHI: Hey, my costume looks like something out of a Barbie catalouge, thank you very much. Besides, my power kicks in only when I'm seriously up the creek. MAMORU: Hey, at least you've got some real power! You've got that light saber thingie! All I've got is a rose and a cane. Now I admit, when you can take down a three ton beast with these items, it does make you look cool, but come on! Give me a gun any day! TENCHI: Hear hear! Besides Makoto, you've got powers too. What are you complaining about? MAKOTO: Ohh gee. What a power. I can turn stuff on and off. So I can operate the Eye of God. Big whoop. I can't really DO anything with it, unless I want to blow up half of Roshtaria with it which I did, thank you very much! TENCHI: Sorry. MAMORU: Bummer. MAKOTO: Not really, it was Diva's side. (Grins all around) TECNHI: Why is it that we live so close to each other, yet we each have different bad guys? MAMORU: I dunno. Let's ask Ranma when he gets here. TENCHI: I wonder, since we hang out together, do you think the girls do too? MAKOTO: Hmm, I don't know. It's possible... MAMORU: Sure, why not? Rei and Shayla-Shayla would hit it off just fine. (They sip their coffee. Suddenly, an explosion can be heard from outside. They all look out with bored expressions on their faces) MAMORU: Hmm. Looks like our girls DID meet each other. MAKOTO: Yeah, I guess so. ~sigh~ TENCHI: You guys think we should do something about it? ALL: Naw. (A gaggle of girls pours through the door of the coffee shop, several are covered in soot and all are carrying shopping bags. The three groups of ladies seem to be screaming at each other) MAMORU: Well, I guess it's time to go. MAKOTO: Yep. I got the check. TENCHI: Thanks Makoto. Same time next week guys? MAMORU: If I'm still alive. MAKOTO: Ditto. ************************************************************************* Well, I'm done. This is probaly the oddist, most pointless piece I've ever put together. Plus, my protrayl of these three heros may seem....off. Well, so what? It's a gag. Just enjoy it, and if you don't, well, I'm sorry. Discalimer: Tenchi Muyo! and all characters belongs to AiC and Pioneer. El Hazard and all characters belongs to AiC and Pioneer. Sailor Moon and all characters belong to Bandai (I think) and DiC. All C&C should go to BGlanders@aol.com