My Girlfriend is a demon-goddess! An El-hazard/Jerry Springer crossover fanfic by Lex Mesman ( Mesman@multiweb.nl ) Right, this fanfiction is written in Script-style, and the texts between block-brackets [ ] is stuff that happens, so when people talk to each other, so "JERRY: Babble, babble" means: "Jerry says: 'Babble babble'" while [Shayla hits Jerry with a frying pan] means that, well, Shayla hits Jerry with a frying pan. I decided on writing the story this way because it's mostly talk, there are fights (Hey, it's "The Jerry Springer show"), but it's mostly talking. Ifurita didn't have much of a personality in most of the OAV-series, so i winged it a little, making her a snide wordplayer with a cynical streak a mile wide, who's still head-over-heels in love with Makoto, but also fed up with all the other people staking claims to him, everybody's caricaturised to some extent, to reflect the Jerry Springer Guest archetypes... The plot is that Most of the El-Hazard cast were invited to Jerry Springer's show by some terrible twist of fate, and they're supposed to discuss the love-polygon that came to be in the course of their adventures, this takes place after OAV 1 and OAV 2, as i don't know anything about "The alternative world" The seating arrangement (for people who want to visualise things, like i always try to do) is as follows: Miz Mishtal | Afura Mann | Shayla-Shayla | Alielle | Fatora Mr. Fujisawa | Nanami | Makoto | Ifurita | Jinnai | Queen Deva This is the first revision of the story, i spell-checked it again, and i added some more lines for the audience. Feel free to E-mail me with comments/suggestions/praise/Somebody should have had more lines/why-the-hell-did-you-write-that?-remarks, but keep it reasonable, i will ignore flames Disclaimer-time: El Hazard and characters therein were created by Hiroki Hayashi and Ryoe Tsukimura, and published outside of Japan by Pioneer LDC, i did not think them up, they did, i just wrote a silly story about them, i didn't think up Jerry Springer either, his parents did, same goes for Steve. This story contains some sexual innuendo and graphic (if grotesquely overdone) violence, so this shouldn't be read by people who aren't old enough to watch "Jerry Springer" in the first place. So here it is: MY GIRLFRIEND IS A DEMON-GODDESS [Standard intro clip starts, with the sentence "My girlfriend is a demon-goddess" coming up on screen with some flashy but dumb visual effect thrown in because, well, that's what talkshow titles are SUPPOSED to be like, right?] JERRY: All right, welcome to my show, our guest this evening is Makoto Mizuhara! MAKOTO: Hi jerry! JERRY: Now, Makoto here has a girlfriend, but there are some people against this love-affair, Why's that, Makoto? MAKOTO: Well, she's a semi-mechanical demon-goddess to begin with... AUDIENCE: OOOOOOOOOHHHHH...... JERRY: That does sound like it could form a problem in a relationship MAKOTO: But once you get to know her, she's really a nice girl, but other people just won't try... AUDIENCE: AAAAAAAWWWWWW...... JERRY: Well, let's bring her on stage, here's [messes with cue cards] "Demon goddess Ifurita" [Ifurita comes on stage and sits down to the right of Makoto, laying her staff down on the floor between her and Makoto] IFURITA: Hi, Jerry! JERRY: Hello Ifurita, nice to have you on the show, so what's your side of the story? IFURITA: Well, Makoto has been so nice to me, he saved me from an eternity of slavery, for instance... AUDIENCE: AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW........ JERRY: I guess that DOES forge some kind of bond IFURITA: He worked for years to be by my side again, i would drift through Inter-dimensional limbo for ten thousand years for him... JERRY: It says here you DID... at least you keep your promises... [Audience laughs at Jerry's bad joke, Jerry fidgets with cue cards again] JERRY: But here's somebody who says that Ifurita's HIS, let's welcome a new guest: Katsuhiko Jinnai! AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOOOOOO! [Katsuhiko comes on stage, already hopping mad, he sits down on the free chair next to Ifurita] JINNAI: How could you DO this to me? I'm the one who activated you!! IFURITA: And then forced me to destroy a large city, which was kind of a bad move, from an interpersonal employer-employee-relationship-building point of view... JERRY: Well, no relation's perfect... JINNAI: you betrayed me for Makoto Mizuhara! (Pronounces Makoto's name as if it was a curse) IFURITA: Hey, if you didn't make so many disparaging remarks while winding me up, and didn't make me destroy cities and didn't... JERRY: (with in the background Ifurita still summing up things Jinnai did to her) Let's go to a commercial break... [Commercial break with commercials endorsing a strange combination of completely useless and instantly forgettable junk available by mail-order, camera cuts to studio, sweeping over audience, some people in the audience make faces at the camera as it passes them, meanwhile the logo-effect routine plays superimposed over image, at end of sequence, camera is focused on Stage, where Ifurita is still busy counting Jinnai's sins holding a clipboard with a checklist, checking them off as she goes along] IFURITA: ...And activating the trigger of destruction, goosing me in that hall, and of course trying to hurt my dear Makoto! [Ifurita looks at Makoto with "Oh my poor dear"-look in her eyes, as pioneered by Miz, checks clipboard to see if she mentioned all of Katsuhiko's crimes, and satisfied with having read out the complete list for everybody to hear, throws it over her shoulder] JERRY: Well, here's somebody who also wants Katsuhiko to stop chasing after Ifurita, here's Deva, queen of the bugrom, ruler of the... [Jerry flips over the cue card to read the rest of Deva's self-assigned Titles] JERRY: ...omnipotent Bugrom empire, protector of insects across El-Hazard and occupant of Thrones [Deva walks onto the stage, sits down at the far right, next to Jinnai] DEVA: Mr. Jinnai, you shouldn't get so stuck on Ifurita, i DID say that she'd be more trouble than she was worth, remember? At the ruined city, where we had that picknick... IFURITA: WHAT?! Nasty remarks? From the roach queen? I think this is a case of calling the kettle black, here, as i recall YOU're stuck on Jinnai (for whatever reason), he doesn't care for anything but power... DEVA: That's not true, he also wants justice for the bugrom race, right Mr. Jinnai? JINNAI: Huh? Sorry, i was having one of my "megalomaniac lapses" again... [Jinnai starts laughing hysterically, after a while of continuous hysteric laughter, his face turns blue and he apparently has trouble breathing, Deva quickly applies the Tyrantomide inhaler, Jinnai's face turns normal again and he sits down again] IFURITA: Why do you care anyway? Jinnai has no charisma at all and he's got illusions of grandeur to boot! DEVA: I am -and will always remain- faithful to Mr. Jinnai, which is more than can be said of you! IFURITA: Well, if you'd destroy cities like i can, maybe he would waddle after YOU like he does with ME! JERRY: That sounds nasty, well, here's somebody who says that Makoto let her drop like a brick for Ifurita, here's Nanami Jinnai! [Nanami walks on stage, hits Jinnai over the head in passing, then sits down on the chair left of Makoto] NANAMI: Makoto, what are you doing with her, she tried to kill you several times already, what if she gets murderous again? [Ifurita looks decidedly P-ed off, after Jinnai's ranting, this is the last thing she's waiting for] JERRY: She seems quite capable of snuffing somebody out right now, you know... IFURITA: One more peep out of you and i will snuff YOU out! [Ifurita points at Jerry, the audience starts booing] MAKOTO: Please listen to me, Nanami! I LOVE Ifurita, and she loves me, she gave 10,000 years of her life for me, i saw her soul, i can't help but love her! IFURITA: You heard the man, so go sell packed lunches or something, but leave my Makoto and me alone. NANAMI: He's not your property, you know! JINNAI: Now, she IS my property, though. [points at Ifurita] [Ifurita gives Jinnai her patented "OAV 1, Episode 7 post-liberation backhand", causing Katsuhiko and his chair to tip over backwards, stage guards put the chair back up again and hoist Jinnai into it, he's having a monstrous nosebleed, so stageguards give him a bucket to hold under his heavily bleeding nose] NANAMI: See? If she has one of those violent urges near Makoto, he's toast! IFURITA: Well, Makoto doesn't stick a little flag on my head and claim he OWNS me, so i don't GET any violent urges. [Jinnai quickly hides a little flag with his face on it he was holding over Ifurita's head while she was looking the other way and grins in an attempt to look innocent] JERRY: Here's the teacher of Nanami, Makoto and Katsuhiko, let's hear what he has to say about this, here's: Masamichi Fujisawa!! [Fujisawa comes on stage, sits down on the free chair next to Nanami] JERRY: So, what do YOU think about the relationship between Makoto and Ifurita? FUJISAWA: Well, Makoto found his true love, Nanami and Jinnai just have to face facts, Makoto and Ifurita have made their choices, and they chose for each other... NANAMI: But sensei, she's a MACHINE, and a killer to boot! FUJISAWA: They both sacrificed a lot to be together, so that should be the proof of their love, besides, the biggest blemish on the reputation of Shinonome high is the stuff Jinnai himself did and forced Ifurita to do! JINNAI: But she's MINE! What did Makoto do that lets HIM have her? FUJISAWA: Well, EX-student president Jinnai... (Jinnai droops and starts to cry, Deva tries to support him) ...Makoto managed to win Ifurita's heart, while all YOU did was make her wreck stuff, NOT her idea of a "nice day out", i might add... JERRY: Okay, let's bring on somebody ELSE who claims Makoto dumped her for Ifurita, here's Shayla-Shayla, fire priestess of mount Muldoon!" AUDIENCE: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY [Shayla comes on stage, yelling at everybody on stage (except Makoto) in turn, and sits down behind Makoto and Ifurita] SHAYLA: You wind-up bimbo, Makoto's MINE! He loves me! IFURITA: Sure! I guess trying to roast him at the springs of Arliman was just a gesture of friendship? Sure was a quaint little way of stating you love him... SHAYLA: You almost did him in at the forbidden island! IFURITA: That was different, Jinnai made me do that! I couldn't do anything to stop myself!! (Ifurita folds her arms and pouts) SHAYLA: Well now I'M going to stop you! [Shayla dives at Ifurita, who immediately takes a defensive stance, Stage guards rush on stage, only to be fought off by both Shayla and Ifurita, a hefty fight takes place, shredding most of the background scenery as fireballs, energybolts and of course Shayla and Ifurita themselves fly all over the place, Everybody on stage scrambles for cover as Fujisawa tries to stop the fighting and get on with the show.] FUJISAWA: Hey, you two! Stop it! we're on national television! IFURITA: Tell that to our little molotov cocktail over there! SHAYLA: I've got your cocktail right HERE! [Shayla launches a big fireball at Ifurita, who easily dodges it, sticking out her toungue as she does, one of the side panels of the set is incinerated and Stageguards come rushing on the scene to put out the fire as Fujisawa ties to separate Shayla and Ifurita, in order to get things going again. After the two combatants are separated by Fujisawa, all the chairs are set up again on the now-damaged podium, in the background, technicians are busy replacing cameras, and corpses among the audience are taken away, the survivors among the audience get up again, and the guests who wisely fled the area slowly return again, a headcount of the stageguards reveals Steve to be missing, he's lying on the floor, still singeing slightly] JERRY: Oh my god! They killed Steve!! DIRECTOR: You bastards! IFURITA: Actually it was just Shayla's doing, look at the smoke and scorchmarks, surefire remains of one of Shayla's tantrums (Sly grin) [Shayla's temper flares up again, visible by the fire coming off the power gems in her clothes and headband] SHAYLA: How do we know it wasn't you copying one of my attacks, huh? IFURITA: Three words: "your" "attacks" "SUCK!", i've farted more powerful blasts than that! I wouldn't copy your attacks if they were the only ones i knew! had i done ANYTHING to him, he'd be vaporised! SHAYLA: Yeah right! PROVE IT! [Ifurita picks up her staff, charges it up ominously in order to build tension, aims it at some random woman in the audience and lets rip with a man-size energy blast, vaporising her target and severely injuring several others, also blowing a hole in the back wall of the studio, the outside air and the city skyline can be seen clearly through the hole, all that's left of Ifurita's target is a pair of shoes with stubs of leg in them...] IFURITA: There, point proven... SHAYLA: (grudging) Damn. JERRY: Right, back to the subject at hand, before more people get killed, Makoto, didn't you ever notice anything by Nanami or Shayla-Shayla's behavior? MAKOTO: Well, no, Shayla tried to roast me several times... SHAYLA: Repeat that and you can add one more time! IFURITA: Ah, incineration of one's partner, age-old tradition in romantic relationships... [Ifurita smiles slyly again, as Shayla counts to ten in an attempt to remain calm] MAKOTO: ...and Nanami denied we were "an item", if you will, when she was asked about it. NANAMI: Asked by one of those phantom smurfs, i might add, i had something else on my mind at the time than getting the facts straight for murderous lunatics. IFURITA: What facts? Has Makoto ever explicitly declared romantic-type-love to either of you? [Stunned silence as both Shayla and Nanami sweatbead, Ifurita smiles slyly yet again] JERRY: OK, Mr Fujisawa, as Makoto's teacher, what do you think about all this? FUJISAWA: It's a disgrace to the honored name of Shinonome high school, to have students behave themselves like the Jinnai siblings have, Katsuhiko: remember what the school counsellor told you during that psychiatric evaluation: "Conquering the world is bad, Mmkay?", remember? REMEMBER !? [Jinnai looks at the floor, seemingly ashamed of himself] JINNAI: Yes, sensei... NANAMI: He's faking it, the only thing he's ashamed of is that he messed up and got caught! FUJISAWA: And you, Nanami: Makoto has found HIS love, it's time for you to go find YOURS, just like i have! AUDIENCE: AAAAWWWWWWW..... JERRY: Shayla, next up are two people who have something to tell you: here are Afura Mann and Miz Mishtal! [Afura and Miz step on stage, almost tripping over some charred bits of decor, Miz sits down behind Fujisawa, and Afura seats herself between Miz and Shayla] JERRY: Right, what is it that you have to tell Shayla-Shayla? AFURA: Well, Shayla, face it: you lost out, but maybe it's more of a blessing, you'll be independent for a while now, just watch out for Fatora and Alielle, they've been suspiciously quiet lately. MIZ: Shayla, you should have pursued Makoto's love in a more... Aggressive way... IFURITA: What? Even MORE aggressive than usual? AUDIENCE: I-FU-RI-TA, I-FU-RI-TA, I-FU-RI-TA, I-FU-RI-TA (Chanting) [Ifurita folds her arms and grins as Shayla's headband gem begins to flare up, as it always does when Shayla's furious. Miz looks at Ifurita in a rather unappreciative way] MIZ: As i was TRYING to say: you should do things the way I did them when my dear Masamichi proposed to me. AFURA: Which part, boozing him up so he'll propose in a drunken stupor, or play Damsel In Distress for most of a videotape, so he'll get a chance to rescue you, feel good about himself and THEN propose? [Big sweatbead on Afura's head, as both Miz and Fujisawa glare at her angrily] MIZ: I'll have you know that Masamichi and me are very happy together! MAKOTO: As would Ifurita and me be if you people would just get off our back! JERRY: Good point, so why doesn't everybody just leave everybody else alone? JINNAI: NEVER!!! Ifurita's mine, she's mine i tell you! AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOO!!!!! IFURITA: Say that once more and i'll make you regret it.... [Jinnai stands up defiantly in front of Ifurita and starts taunting her, in response, Ifurita hits him in the groin with the head of her staff in a fast upward swing, Jinnai curls up and lies on the podium, softly moaning, everyone else on the podium wince, and Fujisawa and Makoto cross their legs, just to be on the safe side] AUDIENCE: I-FU-RI-TA, I-FU-RI-TA, I-FU-RI-TA, I-FU-RI-TA (Chanting) JERRY: I'm sure that was a convincing argument for your case, let's just say you hit the mark with that one. AFURA: Now we can safely assume Jinnai no longer has the balls to bother anyone. SOME SCHMO IN THE AUDIENCE: huh huh heh heh, she said "Balls", heh heh huh huh DEVA: Oh no, i was just planning to breed a new generation of bugrom with him. JERRY: I'm sure there are other volunteers for that, now aren't there? [The audience remains silent, fearing the worst] AFURA: One'd think that at least SOME people here would be overcome with lust. IFURITA: Yeah, but think about the... kids... EVERYBODY EXCEPT FOR DEVA: EEEEEEWWWWWWW! DEVA: What? Why? [Jinnai finally gained his composure again, and crawls back onto his chair, still visibly uncomfortable] JERRY: Now here are the final two guests, who say it isn't fair that all of the pretty girls are taken, or at least believe that IF all the girls were accounted for, at least SOME of them should be with them... SHAYLA: Oh no... AFURA: God have mercy... JERRY: ...Here are: Alielle and Princess Fatora [Alielle and Fatora get on stage, Alielle quickly takes the seat next to Shayla-Shayla, and Fatora takes the last empty seat, next to Alielle] FATORA: HEY, i was supposed to be named first, i'm of royal lineage so i SHOULD rightfully be mentioned first. IFURITA: i know i should've dropped her in mid-flight when i brought her back from the stairway to the sky, but NO: i had to bring her back alive, another one of Jinnai's brilliant decisions... NANAMI: Royal, my foot! Royal pain in the arse, at best! AUDIENCE: NA-NA-MI, NA-NA-MI, NA-NA-MI (chanting) JERRY: It says here that you also have a problem with all the romance occurring around you. FATORA: Yeah, all those pretty women around me and none of them will get within a country mile of me! AFURA: Gee, one would wonder why... (sarcastically) ALIELLE: But you'll always have me around, don't you Fatora? SHAYLA: When she's not chasing after me, that is. IFURITA: Though it eludes me why she'd do THAT... SHAYLA: HEY! ALIELLE: I always go for girls with red hair! SHAYLA: Why not go for blue hair, i heard that's even cooler. IFURITA: In this case, the risks outweigh the potential gains, trust me on this one... ALIELLE: What? IFURITA: Try it and DIE! ALIELLE: Oh. (meekly) FATORA: Look, it isn't fair, all the pretty girls are too preoccupied with... men... (A tone of disgust is in her voice) ALIELLE: They could have US, we're plenty eager and up for anything. SHAYLA: Great, how's about you two eagerly get LOST! FATORA: Look at you! Both you and Nanami are running after a guy who's desperately trying to get you to back off because he already has a girlfriend! JERRY: Good point, what do you have to say about that? NANAMI: Say Fatora, can't you bug Ifurita instead of us? FATORA: No thanks, Ifurita scares the heck out of me! My therapist believes that's because of that time she abducted me from my kidnappers, in the first video. IFURITA: Phew... Saved by the shrink! ALIELLE: Personally, i always go for redheads. SHAYLA: I'm doomed... NANAMI: At least i don't have to worry about Alielle then... FATORA: Yeah, it'll be just you and me... NANAMI: Oh no! Makoto, please help me! I've got the lesbian princess from hell tailing me! JERRY: Hey, that'd make a great subject for a later show! What was that again? NANAMI: "Lesbian princess from hell" [Jerry quickly writes it down on the back of a cue card] JERRY: Thanks, you'll be in the credits of that particular show for thinking up the title. MAKOTO: I'm sorry, but i can't help you there, i'm glad Ifurita hasn't had any hassle with Fatora as yet... [Alielle jumps Shayla, Shayla tries to dodge, but in doing so bumps into Afura] ALIELLE: We'll have such great times together! AFURA: Good for you, but leave ME out of it. [Afura pushes back, making Shayla -With Alielle clinging on to her- bump into Fatora, everybody on stage starts getting annoyed at the "Lescapades" going on] FATORA: Hey watch out! fight if you want to, but leave me out of it! SHAYLA: Aw, pike it lesbo queen! Nobody asked you anything! DEVA: Yeah, who invited her for this anyway? IFURITA: I did, to keep our flammable redhead and "Miss Dollarsigns" out of my hair... NANAMI AND SHAYLA: YOU DID WHAT !? [Nanami slaps Ifurita, Makoto tries to intervene, both to keep things quiet and to protect his love, Fatora, Alielle, Afura and Shayla are engaged in a slapfight in the background] IFURITA: I'll get you for that! NANAMI: Just you try it, Robo-doll! [Ifurita and Nanami try to get a clear shot at each other, but Makoto's standing in between them, being squashed by both his old and his new girlfriend] MAKOTO: I'm gonna die! JERRY: Girls, calm down! Stageguards! Stageguards! Wherefore art the F***ING stageguards! [The survivors of the stageguard team are cowering at the back of the studio, writing letters of resignation and/or their last will and testament] SHAYLA: Makoto! Get out of here so i can handle Ifurita! IFURITA: "Handle" me? Like you did last time, when i kicked your sorry butt? [Shayla-Shayla bumps Nanami away, Makoto hides behind Fujisawa, Shayla and Ifurita start fighting again, inbetween all the fighting going on, Jinnai, Deva, Fujisawa and Miz sit and look on, trying to mind their own business when Miz gets hit in the head with a flying prop book from the remnants of the background] FUJISAWA: RIGHT! Who threw that? Who threw that book? Always one, isn't there? Always one... [The fighting stops abruptly as everybody freezes at Fujisawa's outburst, Fatora stops in the middle of swinging a left hook at Afura] JINNAI: It was Makoto, i saw him throw the prop book! MAKOTO: That's not true! Katsuhiko, you lying little PR*CK! [Makoto swings and hits Jinnai in the face sending him reeling and setting his nosebleed going again, Deva quickly grabs the bucket and holds it in place as Jinnai bleeds as profusely as ever] JERRY: Well, that'll teach him... DEVA: How DARE you? Hitting my spermdon- uh, i mean boyfriend! [Deva attacks Makoto, slapping him for all she's worth] MAKOTO: I'm gonna die! ... again! IFURITA: Hey, Alielle! Shayla told me something backstage: she actually DOES love you, but she's afraid to admit it! [Ifurita quickly pushes Shayla away, into the loving-maniacal embrace of Alielle, giving Ifurita a chance to deal with Deva] ALIELLE: Oh, i knew you loved me, there's no need to be shy, i'll be really discreet about it, we'll have so much FUN together... SHAYLA: HELP ME! Hey, let go of those! [Alielle clings onto Shayla's legs, making her lose her balance and fall off the stage into what's left of the backstage area] IFURITA: Right, as for you, Cockroach queen: Look what i found under Katsuhiko's bed, when i was still subject to his crazy commands he told me to clean his room one time, and look what i found! [Ifurita holds up a copy of a hentai manga titled "Trussed up and loving it!" with a cover picture of an anime style girl, well, trussed up like a pig in rope, gagged and all and, by the look of things... well... loving it...] DEVA: WHAT? Mr. Jinnai? A pervert? JINNAI: That... That's not mine! IFURITA: It isn't? explain this then: (Ifurita flips the manga open and reads from the inside of the front cover) "This object is the sole posession of the great and glorious Katsuhiko Jinnai, steal this at your own peril!" FUJISAWA: Jinnai? Into bondage? How low can the image of Shinonome high school plunge? NANAMI: I knew he was weird, but i didn't think of him as kinky, though there WERE signals, and of course that psychiatric report... AFURA: What's all the ruckus about, anyway? What's this "Hentai" stuff you're talking about? MAKOTO: Never saw Hentai Manga before, huh? Here, take a look for yourself... [Makoto swipes the manga from Katsuhiko's hands, while he's still occupied trying to explain all this to Deva, who moved her chair away from Jinnai's in protest, Afura nonchalantly takes the manga, but starts blushing profoundly as she reads a portion of it] AFURA: You dirty little PERVO! No wonder you ended up like this! MIZ: Let me see that! What's so special about it? FUJISAWA: Trust me, you don't WANT to see it! [Shayla walks back on stage, with Alielle clinging to one leg, enabling Shayla to walk again, albeit dragging the leg with Alielle "Attached" to it slightly] SHAYLA: GIMME! Let's see... what this is all... [Shayla falls silent as she starts blushing too, soon her face is about as red as her hair] SHAYLA: YOU SWINE! I'LL KILL YOU! [As Shayla and Afura rush over to Jinnai to beat the crud out of him, Shayla drops the Manga, Alielle lets go of Shayla's leg, picks it up and starts reading] JINNAI: I'm innocent i tell you! Honest! I would NEVER read comics like those! Really! [Jinnai's pleas are pretty much ignored as Afura and Shayla pummel Jinnai's face into the floor] JINNAI: Deva, HELP ME! DEVA: Fat chance, Bondage boy! Odds are you're ENJOYING that! JERRY: Ooh, looks like quite a predicament you've got there, Katsuhiko... MAKOTO: Hey, Alielle, what do you think about the comic book? (Nonchalantly) ALIELLE: Pretty tame, really, Fatora and i got more twisted than THIS ages ago! [Everybody on stage sweatbeads, including Jinnai, who's still in the middle of being mangled mercilessly by Afura and Shayla] JERRY: Right, that's all the time we have here, i'll be back with my final thought right after these messages... [Another commercial block, this time featuring ads for compilation-tapes of "Too twisted for TV" footage from previous Jerry Springer shows. As the messages end, everybody's sitting on the ground, as there's no usable furniture left in the studio, Jinnai is bleeding profusely and his left arm bends the wrong way, but at least he still looks alive] JERRY: Sometimes it's hard to swallow when somebody has found Miss or Mr. Right, but, it's their choice, so the best thing one can do in this situation is let things run their course and see how things pan out, or you can interfere all you want and try to derail the relation, but if you do, let me know, so i can make a show out of this... Take care of yourself, and each other... [Camera goes blank, and as the director yells "CUT!", two stagelights fall down, creaking loudly] SHAYLA: OK, who's up for a hamburger? AFURA: Count me in, but i won't eat those McDonalds things... [Everybody leaves the studio by a big hole in the wall caused by a stray energybolt during one of the many fights, Makoto and Ifurita walk Arm-in-Arm, swooning at one another, as do Miz and Fujisawa, as well as Fatora and Alielle, the rest just follow the happy couples, making small talk along the way.] MAKOTO: Say Ifurita... IFURITA: Yes? MAKOTO: Why'd you hang onto that comic book anyway? IFURITA: Well, it's actually not Katsuhiko's, i found it under YOUR bed and forged his handwriting for the note on the front cover, you didn't think i was going to lug one of Katsuhiko's pervo-comics around with me, did you? MAKOTO: Now that you mention it, where is it anyway? It was my favorite! IFURITA: Last time i saw it, Deva was hitting Jinnai over the head with it... [Jinnai runs past, followed closely by Deva, who's indeed hitting him over the head with the hentai Manga] DEVA: Perverted little piece of S**T! I'll get you yet! "Messenger from god" my FOOT! JINNAI: I swear it isn't mine! Ifurita never cleaned my room! I swear it's the truth! [Camera moves to overhead view, showing Jinnai being chased down the street and into the sunset] THE END You can stop reading now, the story is over.